Celebrating new love and marriage after losing a spouse.

Widows and widowers considering remarriage may face conflicting emotions. Finding love again and remarrying after you've lost a spouse can give you a whole new lease on life. You should celebrate this new step and know that you deserve to be happy, but tread lightly in a few areas that may be sensitive.

When true love is discovered by a widow or widower, there are frequently family members, such as children or in-laws, or even friends who may raise objections. They may feel it's a betrayal of your lost spouse, that it's too soon to be remarrying wisely or that your new love doesn't compare well to the spouse you've lost.

Understand and remind them gently that all people are different and special in their own right and that remarrying will surely never make you forget your lost spouse. Assure them you would never expect to replace the person you've lost, only to find a different experience and relationship that can bring you happiness in the years ahead.

Your own emotions are likely to be complex as well . Psychologists have found that the prospect of remarriage, even years after the loss of a spouse, can reawaken deep feelings. At the extreme, you may feel you are being unfaithful to your late husband or wife.

In addition, you will inevitably compare your lost spouse with your new spouse. All of these emotions are a normal part of the transition into your remarriage.

As children grow and leave the nest to feather their own, there is no reason for them to deny you the love and companionship of marriage.

Reassure your family that you have considered this decision carefully and believe you are making it for the right reasons. Ask them for their support. Acknowledge that you've all suffered a loss together and that getting beyond the pain is goal you all share.

When you announce your decision to wed, there are a wide range of possible responses from your children. They may feel guilt and confusion about "replacing" a beloved lost parent. Younger kids, especially, may feel they are being shunted aside and resent having to share your affections with another person. Your children may feel competitive with or jealous of your new partner. These feelings are entirely normal and should disappear eventually. But it will probably take time for your children to get to know and accept your future spouse. Talk to them and listen to their concerns.

Oftentimes, family members' concern about your remarrying is based on fear that assets or property from your first marriage will be put at risk when you remarry.

That is a justifiable concern and one you should address sooner rather than later. These issues can be dealt with a number of ways through a premarital contract, a will or other legal agreement. Financial issues are also important to work out in advance. Will you maintain separate accounts? If not, will your new spouse be supportive of allowance, tuition or other support you choose to give your children? What about life insurance? Will the beneficiaries change once you are married? These are critical issues and resolving them in a way that makes both of you comfortable will be the first step toward making your new marriage a happy and equitable one.

 A family's acceptance of a new marriage doesn't always happen immediately.

Tell yourself that over time, your children and extended family will get to know your new spouse better, recognize that you are happy and eventually come to accept him or her. Good communication is essential to ease the transition when you are blending families together.

Planning a beautiful and appropriate wedding.

The etiquette of a second wedding is different from a first, especially when you're a widow. A big, splashy wedding would seem somewhat inappropriate, but you and your new spouse-to-be also deserve to celebrate your love and future life together in a very special way.

Large or small, a wedding takes a considerable amount of planning, and there are many details to take into consideration.

A checklist of necessary arrangements as well as a monthly pre-wedding calendar that reminds you of what to take care of each month preceding your nuptials are just a few ideas to help you take the stress out of planning a second wedding.

Choosing an incomparable engagement ring and wedding bands.

Both the engagement diamond and the wedding bands are symbols of enduring love between two people. Etiquette doesn't come into play here as these special symbols are meant to represent your commitment to each other and no one else. As with a first marriage, you will want to select the most beautiful diamond and wedding bands you can. The beauty and quality of a diamond, whether in an engagement ring or a wedding band, depends on its attributes - cut, color, clarity, and carat weight - as well as its brilliance. Take some time to refresh your knowledge about diamonds before you select one to buy.

Widows and widowers remarriage - a second chance for happiness.

Once you've decided to marry, you want all of your friends and family, particularly your children, to bring their love and support to this special new relationship. You deserve a chance to begin an exciting new chapter in your life. And if you get off to a good start, you're more likely to see your dreams unfold.