Should you sign a prenuptial agreement before entering into a second marriage?

Is a prenuptial agreement a cynical admission that love comes second to money or simply a practical nod to reality? Regardless of how you view them, prenuptial agreements are on the rise as a way of formalizing financial and legal matters. While they can be a sensitive issue to discuss, you can also look at a prenuptial agreement as a way to allow you, as a couple, to make your own rules about the distribution of your finances, rather than leaving the decision in the hands of the court.

A prenuptial agreement is a written contract between two people that defines the rights and benefits that will exist during the marriage and if the marriage ends. In the event of a divorce or death, a prenuptial agreement can determine your right to property, life insurance benefits, retirement plan assets and support payments . Without such an agreement, state laws will determine these rights and benefits.

Is a prenuptial agreement appropriate for you? It may be if you and/or your future spouse bring assets to the marriage that you want to protect in the event of divorce or death. This is particularly true if you're marrying for the second or third time and want to make sure that certain assets are passed on to your children from a previous marriage.

How do you raise the subject of a prenuptial agreement without offending your prospective marriage partner?

The subject of a prenuptial agreement is a difficult one to broach. Does it raise a red flag that screams "I don't trust you" or "I have my doubts this marriage will work?" It may, if you don't present it properly, especially if you are a couple that doesn't communicate well. (If the latter is true, you may want to seek some counseling before entering into a second marriage.)

How do you proceed tactfully? Step one is to develop the right mindset. Understand that a prenuptial agreement is simply as a way of protecting assets you bring into the marriage in the UNLIKELY event of divorce or death. And the protection applies to both of you, not just one of you; although it is likely that one or the other has greater assets. (Planning your wills together is a very similar process that couples accept without a problem, after all.)

Learn, first, what a prenuptial agreement would entail in your case. If you are the one requesting the prenuptial contract, you should ask your attorney how the agreement would work. When you have a clear understanding of what it might entail, you can then talk to your intended in a loving manner about your feelings and why you think you think you'd like a prenuptial agreement. You'll want to make it very clear from the beginning that your desire for a prenuptial agreement is not related to your love or your commitment to your fiancée. Most likely, you are asking for a prenuptial agreement because you've been hurt or burned in a previous marriage, so it's really about your own issues.

Be sure your approach the subject with great sensitivity. A gentle tone and manner will demonstrate that your feelings toward your intended remain loving and a not mistrustful . You don't want her (or him) to assume you believe the relationship is only about money! Be reassuring that you can't imagine your marriage won't survive, but you - or perhaps both of you - recall the stress and difficulty of disengaging from your previous marital relationship. You can say that you want to protect yourself in the unlikely event that she or he wants to leave the marriage at some point. You might also suggest that your intended have a similar agreement drawn up, because you want her or him to have the same level of comfort and protection, especially if children are involved.

Remember, too, that the terms you set forth in a prenuptial agreement will also affect how it is accepted by your spouse-to-be. A prenuptial agreement that outlines how your children would be supported in the event of your accidental death is very different from one that says that if the marriage ends in divorce not a penny of your assets will go to your ex-spouse.

Remember, also, that your actions and behavior during the preamble to your second marriage are already an indication of your belief that you would like to share what you have during the marriage. Presumably, you have shown your intended your generosity in many other ways that will balance your desire for a prenuptial agreement. A beautiful diamond engagement ring is, of course, the classic expression of your enduring love and commitment.

If you decide to enter into a prenuptial agreement, both you and your future spouse must fully disclose your finances to one another in advance. Failing to do this may constitute fraud, which makes the agreement unenforceable; so both of you should seek legal advice during this process.

If one or both of you are considering a prenuptial agreement, be sure to discuss this as early as possible, not just before the ceremony, or you'll risk getting your remarriage off to a rocky start. If you decide to go the route of the prenuptial agreement, both you and your partner should consult lawyers to assist you in the process. If you decide after the wedding that you want this kind of protection, you can draw up a postnuptial agreement.

What are other legal and financial issues you should discuss?